


Love Me or Hate Me

by Sunflowers_85



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Multi, Reunion Sex, Reunions, zarry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:22:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 10,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22374856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sunflowers_85/pseuds/Sunflowers_85
Summary: It's been over a year since Zayn made the most difficult decision of his life. Leaving the biggest boy band in the world, but also leaving the one person who meant the most to him. What will happen when he finally has the courage to send a text to that person? Will there be love? Hate? Both?
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Harry Styles
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! There will be more chapters to come. And there will be lots of smut to come as well, if that's what you're looking for. Hope you all enjoy!

**Zayn**

_Just send the text. What’s the big deal?_ I was sitting on the balcony of my flat in New York, the sun blinding my eyes as it was setting, the night emerging any minute. I had my phone in my hand, my finger hovering over the screen. One wrong move of my finger and the drafted message would send instantly. But that’s what I wanted right? To send the message and break the tension that has lingered for over a year now? I was scared as hell though.

It had been over a year now since I left everything that I knew. Since I made the most difficult decision, shocking millions of people. I didn’t know if I was going to survive after that day. If my life would be “cancelled” as people like to say these days. But I did survive. I’m living the life that I was desperately wanting to live. Having freedom, putting out music that I created, everything that I wanted. Except, one thing. Even though I now have everything I wanted, I’m missing the biggest piece of my life.

Which brings me back to the text, I still hadn’t sent. _I miss you. Hope all is well. xx_ I couldn’t bring myself to send those few words to the person that I used to be able to tell everything too. We haven’t spoken at all since I left. He had sent me a few text messages during the first month I was gone, but I never responded. _I was such a dick_. I wasn’t ready to talk then. He’s always ready to talk. I suppose that was one of the issues we struggled with.

 _Fuck it. He probably won’t even respond_. I decided as I mustered up the courage to hit send, watching the bubble turn blue. Quickly, I locked my phone, shoving it in the back pocket of my tight black skinny jeans. Walking into my flat, I headed over to my mini bar, popping the top off a brand-new bottle of aged scotch. Once I had a stiff glass poured, I sat down on the long sectional, taking sips as I tried to block out the memories that wanted to surface. This happened too much. Memories I didn’t want to re-live would appear, and my solution was scotch. Or whiskey. Didn’t matter. Half of the time, it wouldn’t work, and I would suffer through the heartbreak all over again anyways.

_“Don’t do this.” He pleaded with me, eyes wide with terror. “We finish this tour, make one more album, and then we’re done. And then we can do whatever the hell we want to. Me and you.” His voice was shaky, knowing the decision was already made, but still trying anything he could. “You know I can’t keep doing this.” I shook my head, beginning to get frustrated. “I’m dying out there. I need to do this for me, and you need to understand that.” I had already tried to explain this so many times. I knew that he was going to keep saying whatever he could to change my mind. I wasn’t going to let that happen. “I need a break.” I sighed, before walking out of the room, the door closing hard behind me._

I gulped down half the scotch as that memory faded away. That was the last time I saw him in person. When I had said I needed a break, I didn’t know what I had really meant. It turned out to be not only a break from the band, but a break from me and him. I hated how much I had hurt him. But he had hurt me too. He had been selfish, begging me to stay in the band, doing something he knew I wasn’t happy doing. Now thinking back, he was probably scared that if I left the band, that would mean I was leaving him too. “And look what happened.” I mumbled out loud, finishing the glass off.

Glass after glass of alcohol went down my throat, until my body started to shut down, my eyes forcing closed. A couple of hours later, I was woken up suddenly by my phone going off on the coffee table in front of me. “Fuck.” I mumbled as I sat up trying to remember what day it was or how I had fallen asleep on my couch. Again. I was still in a haze from all the scotch and having just woken up as I grabbed my phone. My eyes took a few seconds to adjust trying to read who the message was from. _Harry_. Instantly my heart started pounding out of my chest and in my head. Damn hangovers.

 _I’m in New York until Sunday morning_. That’s all it said. I assumed that was an invitation for us to meet up, but so soon? I really didn’t know what I wanted to happen after reaching out to him, but possibly seeing him tomorrow was terrifying. What the fuck would I even say to him? I took a shaky breath, my fingers hovering over the screen as I typed my response. I guess no going back now. _Come to my place tomorrow at 8._ I quickly sent a second message that had my address, before I stood up walking to my bedroom. As I laid down to sleep, I couldn’t help but faintly smile to myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Harry**

“Harry, you’re not doing a great job at this PR stunt.” Kendall whispered in my ear, forcing a smile as she noticed someone snapping a picture out of the corner of her eye. “Hmm…sorry.” I mumbled, glancing up at her with a brief smile before putting my phone away. We were at someone’s birthday party in New York and were supposed to be acting like we were having an amazing time. Normally these things don’t bother me much, but how was I supposed to concentrate on anything else besides the text I just read.

 _I miss you._ I had desperately wanted to hear those three words for over a year now. I never actually thought I would hear them though. Not after everything that had happened. _I shouldn’t even respond._ I told myself, gnawing on my bottom lip as a million thoughts ran through my mind. He doesn’t deserve for me to say it back. He doesn’t deserve a single message from me. I tried reaching out after everything went down, and he acted like he couldn’t care less. _But god, do I miss him._ Nothing had been the same since that day. When he walked out on us. On me.

I waited a couple of hours before I decided that I would respond. I’m not a dick like he can be at times. I mingled around the party, making small talk with other celebrities that were there. Keeping Kendall close by my side. She’s a sweet girl and a great friend. It just sucks that we must do these ridiculous PR stunts. I’m very single and it wouldn’t bother me if people knew that. Unfortunately, that’s not how the business works. Once I had a minute alone, I grabbed my phone out of my pocket, unlocking it with a quick swipe of my fingers. There was the message, right where I had left it. Waiting for a response. I sure as hell wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of saying that I missed him too. _No way in hell._ I didn’t even know what his intentions were with the text. Did he want to talk? Or did he just want to check in?

I chuckled quietly under my breath as I sent my response, telling him I was in New York. This would really show what his intentions were. I knew that he wasn’t expecting to meet up so soon, if ever. But if he wanted to start talking after a year of no contact, then that’s what he was going to have to do. Face me. I didn’t want to hear any bullshit excuses over texts. That’s too easy.

I was surprised that my phone vibrated only a couple of minutes later with his response. It was so foreign to see his name on my screen after all this time. I read the message, letting out a small sigh of relief. So he did want to meet. _That’s a good sign, I think._ I didn’t know what to make of this all, and the worst part was I couldn’t even confide in anyone about the situation or what I should do tomorrow when I do see him. If my manager found out I was going to see him, I would be dead before the sun comes up. That was one thing that always made our relationship fun. It was dangerous.


	3. Chapter 3

**Zayn**

The hot sun started to beat on me, forcing me to wake up from my deep slumber. “Bloody hell.” I groaned, feeling a slight pounding in my head from the alcohol the prior night. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up in the California king size bed as I checked the time. Noon. I really need to start waking up earlier in the day instead of wasting my morning away. All the boys used to yell at me almost every morning because they could never get me out of bed. _Harry. Oh, fuck!_ I had completely forgotten about texting him and that we were meeting tonight. I grabbed my phone and saw that he never responded to my last message telling him to come over. Maybe he didn’t want to? It’s not like I was going to text him again and ask. I wasn’t going to make myself look desperate.

I decided I would go about my day like normal. If he came over, great. If he didn’t, oh well. I didn’t have high expectations for the evening anyways. I don’t even know what we would talk about. As eight drew closer, I ordered Chinese food to be delivered. We always loved eating Chinese together. Plus, I didn’t feel like trying to cook when my hands wouldn’t stop shaking with nerves. I poured myself a drink while I waited, constantly checking the time. _You are so not cool._ I told myself, cursing under my breath as I spilled some whiskey on the counter.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. “Fuck.” I mumbled, setting my glass down. I adjusted my black leather jacket, running my hand quickly through my dark hair. Nervous habit. I slowly made my way to the door, wondering if it was too late to change my mind. I could act like I wasn’t home? _Don’t be a dick._ I opened the door, taking a big step back, not wanting to be too close. _Holy hell._ Stood right in front of me, was Harry Styles. Damn, did he look good. He always did though. His style has changed a little bit, but it’s very fitting for him. Neither of us said anything for a minute, just looking at each other. I was taking all of him in, soaking this moment into my brain, so that whatever happened, I could go back to this memory. Silence is beautiful. But I knew something would ruin this moment. Eventually. “Hi.” I managed to quietly say, shifting a little as I felt my tight jeans get even tighter. Even after all this time, Harry was the only one who could get me horny in a split second. _Now’s not the time._ I scolded myself.

“Hi.” He nervously laughed, finally stepping into the flat. “Nice place.” He acknowledged, trying to make small talk. Clearly, he didn’t know what to say either. I smiled faintly, nodding my head a bit. A memory suddenly flashing in my head.

_“You’re acting really weird, Haz.” I said, laughing as I tousled his curly hair. We were hanging out in the hotel room we were sharing for the night. The other three lads were in the room across the hall. We had a talk show appearance in the morning to talk about our second album which was set to be released soon. “Me?” He shook his head, letting out a nervous laugh followed by a shrug of his shoulders. He glanced over at me with those piercing green eyes, making me bite my lip. Some would say, Harry and I flirted a lot. I suppose we did. He was adorable. And innocent. But we never acted on anything. It was getting harder and harder for me not to, though. I think it was for him too. “Fuck Harry, just come here.” I mumbled, before I leaned in connecting our lips in a heated kiss. The rest was history._

“I said nice place.” Harry repeated, making the memory disappear in a flash. “Sorry, thanks.” I quickly said, making eye contact with him. Those damn piercing green eyes. Thinking back to that memory made me want to go back in time and re-live it again. Everything was easier then. We both stood in the living room, not saying anything else. This was awkward. But at the same time, it wasn’t. Even just being back in the same room together was comforting. “So, are we just going to stand here in silence?” He asked after a minute, searching my face for an answer. “Fuck Harry, just come here.” I found myself saying, before I took a step forward, grabbing his hip with my hand. I pulled him close and fast, our bodies now touching. Before I could talk myself out of it, our lips were already connected, molding perfectly together. _What are we doing?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Harry**

_This was not what I was expecting. At all._ I had second guessed coming here all day and I was surprised that I showed up. Once the door had opened, and I saw Zayn standing there, everything else seemed to disappear. He looked sexy as ever. He looked a lot better than the last time I had seen him. I knew that he had needed a break from the band. I was too selfish back then to admit it though. The first few minutes, it was awkward as fuck, to be honest. It seemed like I was the only one trying to break the ice. Until he pulled me forward, crashing his lips to mine. Quite the ice breaker, I would say. I couldn’t think at all for the first minute, my lips following his lead. I knew we had a lot to talk about, but I missed this.

“Fuck.” I whispered as our lips parted for a brief moment, both of us catching our breaths. The bulge in my pants was getting bigger and bigger with every passing second. It had been a long year of playing with myself. I missed human touch, but I could never bring myself to do anything with anyone else. “I missed…” I paused for a second, not wanting to say the word, _you._ “This.” I concluded, quickly kissing him again, hoping he wouldn’t think too much of what I said. “Me too.” I heard him mumble against my lips. Our lips began to move at a quicker pace, his tongue slipping into my mouth. I could taste the whiskey on his tongue. My hands began to move down his chest and torso, one of them slipping under his white tee. “Working out, huh?” I said between a kiss, a smirk to my lips as I felt his rock-hard abs.

“Mm, you like those?” He smirked right back at me, his teeth nibbling at my bottom lip. My eyes fluttered close as his lips traveled along my jaw, down to my neck. I let out a small moan, unable to resist. He still remembered where that spot was. “Good to know I can still make you moan.” He muttered, continuing the assault on my neck as he pushed me against the wall. I loved Zayn in the bedroom. He was confident, dominating, and just damn sexy. “Good to know I still make you this hard.” I dished back to him, my fingers grazing the bulge in his pants. He chuckled, shaking his head slightly. “That’s for fucking sure.” He replied, placing a more tender kiss on my lips that made my knees buckle.

My fingers fumbled, unbuttoning his tight jeans and I heard a small sigh of relief leave his mouth as I pushed them down. _We really shouldn’t do this._ I told myself. My body wasn’t listening to my mind though and my hand was down his boxers, stroking his hard cock. “Fuck yes,” He moaned, his eyes closing as he leaned into me, bracing himself with one hand against the wall. I continued to stroke him, my eyes watching him intently as pleasure spread across his face. “Suck my cock…please.” He begged me, his dark eyes staring into me with desperation. “I thought you’d never ask.” I whispered, dropping to my knees in an instant. Of course I was going to suck him off, but he also deserved to be teased a little too after everything.


	5. Chapter 5

**Zayn**

The feeling of his lips wrapped around my cock was indescribable. Harry gave the best blow jobs, hands down. _Why’d we ever stop doing this?_ I wondered, my eyes falling shut as I braced myself against the wall. _Because you left._ I reminded myself, but quickly pushed that thought out of my head. I didn’t need to kill my boner with reminders of our issues. My eyes opened, glancing down as I felt the loss of contact suddenly. “Why’d you stop?” I questioned, our eyes connecting. My cock was throbbing at this point. “Just teasing you babe.” He replied, a hint of amusement in his voice.

I let out a low growl, my eyes not leaving his. “Harry.” I spoke slowly. “Now is not the fucking time. I haven’t fucked anyone in…” I paused, not wanting to admit he was basically the last person. “A really long time.” I ended, my voice still dark. He knew how to push my buttons and he always chose to do it at the worst times. I knew he found enjoyment out of it. My brows furrowed as he stood up, our lips back to being only inches apart. “I think now is the perfect time.” He whispered, our lips slightly brushing together. “You ignored all my messages and after a year you invite me over so you can fuck me?” His voice grew a little louder, but it wasn’t really angry. I raised an eyebrow, surprised at this person in front of me. Normally, I was the dominating one. He could be sometimes, but never quite like this.

“You know that’s not the reason I invited you over.” I began saying. “I didn’t even know this was going to happen. If it even is going to happen.” I started to ramble, the nerves coming back. “Oh, shut up.” He laughed, pushing me back where I fell onto the couch. Before I knew it, his mouth was filled with my cock, the tip hitting the back of his throat. “Holy shit.” I moaned, grabbing a fistful of his brown hair. “Fuck.” I continued moaning, as I watched his mouth bobbing up and down, getting sloppier by the second. This Harry was a lot different than the one I had left. It made me wonder who he had been sleeping with to bring out this dominant side of him. _Don’t think about that._ “Harry, if you don’t stop soon, I’m going to fucking cum so hard.” I bit down hard on my lip. Majority of the time, I was the one who topped and fucked him. The roles had only ever been reversed a couple of times.

“That’s right babe, cum all down my fucking throat.” He stuck his tongue out, licking all the way up the length of my cock, before sucking hard on the tip. I couldn’t form any sentences, just a string of curse words came out, mixing with my moans as I came hard into his mouth. He pulled off my cock with a loud pop, the biggest smirk on his face. I ran my hand through my hair, trying to catch my breath. I didn’t have long to do so before he was straddling my waist, his rock-hard cock at the entrance of my mouth. “Your turn to get me all nice and wet so I can fuck that tight ass of yours.” He growled. He was going to kill me tonight.


	6. Chapter 6

_This is hot. So hot._ I wasn’t sure what had really gotten into me, normally I let Zayn be the dominating one. I think this was a way for me to get my frustration out. Really, I should be yelling at him, telling him how much he had hurt me, not getting ready to fuck his brains out. I’ll deal with that later. I held onto the back of the couch with one arm, licking my lips as I looked down at him. He grabbed the bottom of my shaft, brining the tip up to his lips, my cock slowly disappearing in his mouth. “Just like that.” I let out a groan, closing my eyes for a brief moment as pleasure overtook me. Zayn continued to look up at me, not breaking the eye contact as he continued sucking me off. I felt his other hand squeeze my ass before giving it a hard slap, making me grunt.

“I missed this cock. And this ass.” He said with a deep voice, swirling his tongue around the very tip. I moaned quietly, my eyes closing again as I slowly rocked forward, pushing myself further in his mouth. Suddenly, I felt his middle finger enter my ass, slowly opening up as he moved his finger back and forth painfully slow. “Does that feel good, babe?” He asked, adding another finger. I nodded, not being able to say anything as he continued fucking me with his fingers. “You are so fucking tight.” He mumbled, taking one of my balls into his mouth. _Time to take back control._ It was very easy for me to let him take over, but I wasn’t going to let that happen for long tonight. It was my turn.

I reached around, grabbing his hand away from my ass, pulling back so my cock fell out of his mouth onto his chest. “Let’s see how tight you are, babe.” I smirked, moving down to lay on my stomach. I pushed his legs wide open, grabbing tight onto his hips. I slowly swirled my tongue around the rim of his hole, before flicking it lightly. It was fun being in control for once. I loved knowing I was the one giving him all this pleasure, hearing his moans of appreciation. After a few moments I couldn’t wait any longer to fuck him. My cock felt like it was going to explode with frustration. I grabbed a condom out of my back pocket, tearing the packet open with my teeth before rolling it on. “Turn around, babe.” I instructed, slapping his ass as he did.

I grabbed onto his hips, lining myself up with his entrance. I slowly pushed myself into him, not wanting to go too hard or fast right away. I remembered him saying it had been awhile since he was with someone. That made me happy to hear. I couldn’t think of him being so intimate with another person. “Holy shit.” I moaned as I fully entered him. I began to thrust slowly back and forth, trying my hardest to not go to fast. “Fuck, your cock feels so good.” He moaned, his face falling into a throw pillow, muffling his moans slightly. Zayn was always the most vulnerable and open when we had sex. I loved it. Normally he was closed off and hated sharing how he felt. Not when we were like this though.

I began to pick up the pace, my hips slapping into him as my cock fucked him hard. The room was filled with the sounds of our bodies colliding and loud moans and curse words. I wasn’t going to last much longer though. “I’m getting close, Z.” I said in between ragged breaths. He let out a loud groan as my thrusts turned harder. “Yeah babe?” He said with a smirk on his face. “You fuck me so good Harry. Your cock was made to fuck me, no one else. I love the way you fill my ass.” He continued, making me moan as I felt myself getting closer to the edge. “You better fucking cum for me.” He growled, instantly sending me over. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I moaned as I spilled my cum into the condom. I slowly pulled out, collapsing on top of him, our bodies both drenched in sweat. “That was amazing.” He whispered as he grabbed my cheeks, placing a single kiss on my lips.


	7. Chapter 7

**Zayn**

We ended laying side by side on the big couch, my arm stretched out, his head resting on it. The room turned quiet as we both worked to catch our breath. _Now what?_ It was true that this was probably some of the best sex we’ve had together, but honestly it was kind of awkward now. There were so many unsaid things between us. “You look good, Z.” He broke the silence first, speaking softly. I smiled a little, rubbing his arm softly. “Thanks. I’m doing a lot better.” I closed my eyes as I felt his head nod softly. “I really liked Pillowtalk.” He added quietly, his fingers running slowly up and down my chest. I couldn’t help and chuckle a little, my eyes opening to glance at him. “Yeah?” I pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I had the best inspiration for it.” Of course, the song was about our relationship. My entire debut album was filled with songs and words that I wrote about and for Harry. My eyes fell shut once again as another memory emerged from the past.

_“What’s wrong Harry?” I had asked as we walked into the hotel room. We had just finished an interview for the Today show. “What do you think?” He scoffed, throwing his jacket onto an arm chair. “I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking.” I was beginning to get annoyed because I hadn’t done anything wrong. “You know I hate having to sit through these interviews and put on a fake smile about your fucking engagement.” He crossed his arms as he sat down, barely looking at me. It was just recently announced that Perrie and I were “engaged.” It became a topic in every interview. I shook my head, letting out a small laugh. “Oh c’mon, babe. You know I don’t like getting asked about it and having to lie either. But I don’t have a choice.” It was part of the job, unfortunately._

_“I’m glad you find it funny.” He glared, standing up. “It’s different for me Zayn. You’re my fucking boyfriend and everyone thinks you’re with her. I hate it.” I knew how much it bugged him. Every interview when it was brought up, he would always try to get the subject changed. Our management was starting to get pissed at him. I let out a sigh, “I don’t think it’s funny. I just think you’re overreacting. You know this is part of the job. What does it matter if people think I’m with her? I’m not, I’m with you.” I took a step forward as he stayed silent. I hated how stubborn he could be. “You think I like it, that in every interview you get asked about a different chick and labeled as a womanizer?” I shot back at him._

_“That’s not even the same!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in the air. “No one actually believes I’m with all these different girls. People thinking you’re getting married is a big fucking deal. And you don’t even seem to give a damn about how it makes me feel.” He started raising his voice. I scoffed, taking a step closer. “What do you want me to do Harry? We’re under fucking contracts. I can’t go to an interview and say ‘Nope, we’re not engaged. I’m actually in love with my bandmate.’” This was a reoccurring argument for us. “I want you to act like you care.”_

_I sighed, my frustration slowly melting away. I grabbed his waist, pulling him down to the bed with me, his legs straddling my waist. “You know I care.” My hand cupped the back of his neck, bringing it down until our lips connected. I could tell he was fighting it at first, but eventually he gave in, the kiss heating up quickly. A lot of our arguments ended up this way, not actually getting resolved. But it worked for us. “Now stop being so jealous.” I mumbled, my hands already working on his belt. “You know that I’m only yours.” I began speaking between quick, sloppy kisses. “This cock is all yours and only yours.” I started sucking on his neck right on his sweet spot. “Prove it.” He moaned out, his hips grinding on mine. I proved it all right._


	8. Chapter 8

**Harry**

It was nice laying here with Zayn, being so close to him again. Even if it was a little awkward. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, but I knew how he was. I had to be careful otherwise he would shut down. I didn’t want that to happen when we had just reunited. Even if it was only for tonight. I did need to ask the one question that I was dying to know though. “What made you reach out to me now?” I briefly glanced up at him. His eyes were closed and it looked like he was recollecting on something.

“I’ve wanted to for a long time.” He admitted. “Yesterday was the day I finally had the balls to do it.” He added, his body shifting slightly. I sat up, nodding my head as I grabbed my boxers off the floor, pulling them up so they hung low on my hips. “You didn’t have to be scared. I would have responded to you.” I tried choosing my words carefully, not wanting to get frustrated with him. It was hard though. “Well, I didn’t know that for sure Harry. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you ignored me after everything.” He sat up as well, pulling on his boxers and white t-shirt.

“I just don’t understand why you couldn’t respond to one of my messages.” I couldn’t help but bring it up. “You walked out on me without another word until yesterday. I had to hear from our management that you weren’t coming back to the tour. We all did. Do you know how that made us feel? How it made _me_ feel?” I could feel myself start to get frustrated. He looked over at me, shaking his head. “Look, I’m sorry about that, I am. I should have reached out to you sooner. But we needed space Harry. We’ve been together almost 24/7 for five years. It wasn’t healthy anymore. I knew you wouldn’t give me the space we needed.” He said, making me roll my eyes.

“So it’s all my fault? That’s what you’re saying?” I scoffed, standing up. “I did everything I fucking could for you Zayn. To try and make you happy. If you wanted a break or space you could have just said something. I wouldn’t count this as us taking a break when you abandoned me without a word for over a year.” He was unbelievable. But that’s what he did, ran away from his issues. “I didn’t say it was all your fault.” He stood up too, his own anger beginning to bubble up. I could see the vein in his neck start to pop out. “I had to leave, and you know it. I’m tired of you acting like I didn’t try to stick it out. I was unhappy for a long time and it was affecting our relationship.” His voice started to raise.

“Well I thought our relationship was just fine.” My voice began to rise also, matching his. “But that’s because you never can say how you feel. How were we supposed to work on anything if you couldn’t bring it up?” I crossed my arms across my chest, my heart starting to beat faster. He laughed. “Every time I did bring anything up you acted like it was nothing. Like there was an easy solution and everything would be fine. Newsflash babe, that’s not always the case.” He shook his head, walking away from me over to his mini bar. I didn’t say anything as I watched him pour a stiff glass of whiskey. _He was so fucking irritating. He’s also so sexy and incredible._ I let out a small sigh, walking over to the mini bar, grabbing my own glass of whiskey.

“I’m sorry for pushing you so hard to stay in the group.” I admitted softly as I brought the glass to my lips, taking a big gulp. I set the glass down, feeling the comforting burn on the back of my throat. I realized I never apologized for my actions and that wasn’t fair. He shrugged his shoulders, mirroring my action of taking a long drink. “I get it, Harry. I understand why you did.” He simply stated. I nodded, letting silence take over the room for a couple minutes while we stood there, finishing our drinks. He poured us each another one, before breaking the silence. “So what happened with the rest of you? What’s with the hiatus?” He asked, looking at me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Zayn**

I knew it wouldn’t take long for us to have our first argument. Thankfully, we kind of actually resolved it? Not quite, but it was a start. It was really great to hear him apologize, so I wanted to change the conversation before another argument started. Harry shrugged his shoulders. “Nothing really. I wanted out.” He stated, causing me to raise an eyebrow slightly. “What? I always told you once the tour was done and we made the fifth album we would be done and do our own things.” He finished his second drink. “I know you did, but I didn’t think you were being serious. I thought it was always something you said to try and get me to stay.” I admitted. None of us had ever really talked about when we would go our separate ways until I had already decided I was going to leave. As far as I knew, all the lads seemed content with the group.

He shook his head, motioning for me to pour more whiskey in his glass. “I mean, I loved the group of course. It was incredible. But I was tired too. And hearing your solo music made me realize that we could all do that.” He cleared his throat slightly. I smiled, swirling my finger around the rim of my glass. “I can’t wait to hear your songs.” I commented, making him smile back at me. Harry was an incredible songwriter and extremely talented. He liked to push boundaries like I did. That’s why I always felt we were all too confined in the “One Direction box.” None of us could show our true potentials. “I’m working on it.” He laughed a little.

“How did the other lads feel about going on hiatus? How are they?” I asked, shifting my body weight to the other foot. I felt bad that I hadn’t really talked to the other guys either. Niall and Liam had congratulated me on my debut album, but that was really it. Louis and I were at odds with each other. “No one really wanted it but me. Louis really tried to talk me out of it. I think he was just nervous about going solo.” He gulped down half of his glass. _Drunk Harry is fun._ I smiled to myself thinking about the first time Harry and I had gotten drunk together.

_“Cheers!” I smiled wide, our shot glasses clinking together before we tipped them back allowing the liquid to slide down our throats. We had just finished one of our biggest shows yet and were back in the hotel ready to drink. Harry had just recently turned eighteen, so he was now officially legal. The other boys were grabbing dinner so Harry and I figured we would get a head start on the celebration. Plus, to have some alone time._

_“Another one!” Harry yelled, grabbing the bottle and pouring two more shots. He spilled just as much of the liquor on the table though. I laughed, shaking my head. “You’re an animal, Haz.” I winked at him, tipping the glass back to my lips. He giggled, taking his shot as well before he pounced on my lap causing me to let out a grunt. “I’m your animal.” He slurred his words slightly, leaning in to kiss me. I chuckled against his lips, returning the kiss. “Mhm” I mumbled, parting my lips so his tongue could slide inside._

_“Let’s fool around.” He almost pleaded, grinding his hips into mine, causing my hips to buck slightly. Of course I wanted to, but it was too risky. “We can’t babe. The lads will be over here any minute to hang out.” We had done a pretty good job, I thought, in keeping our relationship a secret. It’s not that we planned to hide it from them forever, but we wanted to wait awhile before we broke the news. He groaned. “It will be quick, I promise. I just want to give you the best, sloppiest, blow job before they get here.” His voice turned low. “It will be fast and then you can repay me later tonight.” He stuck out his bottom lip into a pout, causing me to laugh softly. “You can’t get enough of my cock, can you?” I shook my head, reaching down to unbutton my jeans. He shook his head, looking innocent as fuck, as he slid my jeans down to my ankles, along with my boxers._

_“You really are an animal, babe.” I moaned out as I grabbed a fistful of his curly locks. Any worries I had about one of the boys coming over disappeared as fast as my cock did in his mouth. Drunk Harry was hungry for my cock and I fucking loved it. “You are such a dirty boy.” I muttered, giving his hair a small tug as I watched him bobbing up and down, faster and faster. His eyes looked straight up at me as he took my whole length in his mouth, deep throating me. “Oh fuck.” I moaned, thrusting forward slowly in his mouth as I began to fuck it. I continued fucking his mouth until I could barely hold on, more moans slipping past my mouth. “Oi, boys! I brought the tequila.” A voice yelled as the door opened at the same time I was spilling my cum down Harry’s throat. Both of our eyes widened as we looked over at the door, my cock falling from his mouth. And that’ s how Liam found out about us._


	10. Chapter 10

**Harry**

“Anyways, I haven’t talked to them a whole lot since we’ve went our separate ways. I know everyone is working on their own music which is cool. It will be fun to see what everyone releases.” I reached over grabbing the almost empty bottle of whiskey, pouring the remainders in my glass. I wasn’t planning on getting drunk, but a few glasses wouldn’t hurt. “Louis is still just as pissed at you though.” I added. _Maybe, I’m getting slightly buzzed. I probably shouldn’t have brought that up._ Zayn scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Well he can go fuck himself. All of you knew I was going to leave, and you all know it was what I needed to do.” I could hear the bitterness in his voice. “He was one of your best friends, Zayn. We all were. You can’t blame them for being upset too.” I pointed out.

“Whatever. I don’t want to keep talking about this anymore.” He muttered, finishing his drink. Bending down, he opened the cabinet door, pulling out a fresh bottle of whiskey. “Okay, okay.” I decided to let it go. I could tell his relationships with the boys these days was bothering him. He’d talk about it later, I hoped. “Cheers, babe.” He said lifting his full glass up. I grabbed mine noticing he had filled it up as well.

We sat in his kitchen sharing the bottle of whiskey in between us for the next couple of hours, the night getting later and later. The night was going really great as we reminisced on old memories, laughing the majority of the time. The alcohol definitely helped, but it felt like old times. It made me wish that every day from now on could be like this. _I still love him._ I don’t think I ever stopped. “Stay the night.” He suddenly blurted out, his eyes slightly bloodshot. I could tell the liquor was starting to really hit him. It was for me too. “Sure.” I grinned. “I have to leave early though to catch my flight. If my PR team knew where I am, I’d be so fucked.” I laughed. I liked to rebel against them sometimes.

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re dating Kendall now, right?” He wiggled his eyebrows, letting out a laugh. “Yeah we’re really in love.” I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. “You know, only dating for two months you really get to know a person.” I laughed. It was ridiculous to me that every girl they had me “date” for PR, people thought I would be in love with them after the first pictures of us together surfaced. “You and Gigi though seem like you’re getting really serious.” I teased back. “She’s a sweet girl. And a good kisser actually.” He smirked just slightly. I knew he was trying to make me get jealous. Which wasn’t very hard to do. Even though I knew his relationships with Perrie and Gigi were fake, it still bothered me having to see pictures of them together acting like a perfect happy couple. “Kendall is too. You saw those pictures of us on that yacht, right?” Two could play at this game. That made him laugh.

I watched as he walked around the table to where I was sitting, one hand grabbing onto the back of my chair, the other resting on the table. He leaned in, cornering me against the wall. “I know she isn’t as good as me.” His voice spoke quiet and low. His lips were now pressed against my ear, his breath sending chills down my body. “Nobody can fuck you like I can. Nobody can make you feel as good as I can. Isn’t that right, Harry?” I nodded my head feeling the bulge in my pants getting bigger. “You’ve probably missed how well I fuck that ass of yours, huh?” He continued, making me let out a small groan. “Is that what you want, babe? For me to fuck you the hardest that you’ve been in over a year?” He continued the dirty talk, my head still nodding in approval. “I need to hear it.” He pulled back slightly.

“Just take me to your bed, Zayn.” I groaned, getting annoyed with his teasing. Even though it was a huge turn-on. He chuckled quietly, grabbing my hand. “Inpatient.” He led me down the hallway, opening the door to his room. I began to strip my clothing off, not wanting to waste any more time. I sighed as he disappeared into his closet. I laid down on the giant bed, deciding I would get started without him. I closed my eyes as I started to stroke my cock lightly. I didn’t want to cum before we even got started, but his dirty talk had me rock-hard. “Jesus, you’re so desperate.” He mumbled, having emerged from the closet to the bedside. I opened my eyes, rolling them at him. “Maybe I wouldn’t be if you stopped your teasing.” I raised an eyebrow as I saw him taking a tie, grabbing my wrist. “We’re just having fun babe.” He smirked as he tied up both of my wrists to the bed posts.


	11. Chapter 11

**Zayn**

Harry had his fun with teasing me earlier, so now it was mine. I usually was the dominating one, so having him take over that role earlier wasn’t very common for us. Alcohol also made me more dominating and experimental. I smirked at him all tied up, he was acting annoyed with me but I knew he loved it. I climbed on the bed, spreading his legs open wide. Slowly, I trailed kisses up his leg and thigh until I reached his cock, placing tender kisses up the length of it as well. I wanted this to be hot and dirty, but I also wanted it to be sensual and meaningful. Who knows what would happen after tonight once he had to leave New York. I smiled as his chest started to rise and fall at a quicker pace, his breathing getting heavier.

“I love your body.” I whispered, my hands roaming everywhere on his soft skin, over his ink. “You are so fucking beautiful.” I leaned down, flicking my tongue lightly against his hole, swirling it around the rim slowly. I heard the bed post move while he moaned showing that my restraints were working. “I missed this sweet ass so much.” I moaned against his hole, sending vibrations as I continued to eat it. “Please fuck me Zayn. I need you to fuck me, now.” He whined out, still tugging at the restraints. I looked up at him, seeing his face flushed, his eyes burning with desperation. “Eager, boy.” I smirked, leaning over to my nightstand where I grabbed a bottle of lube and a condom. I rolled the condom on, squirting lube over my cock and around his entrance so that he was ready.

I lined myself up with him, grabbing one of his legs and throwing it over my shoulder. I pushed in fully with one thrust causing both of us to moan out in unison. “So…fucking…tight.” I said in between thrusts. He felt amazing. The room was filled with grunts and moans, the sound of our skin slapping together, and lots of words of appreciation. “Untie me, please.” He begged me. “I want to ride you.” He added. I nodded, stopping my thrusts. I could use a break anyways. Alcohol always made me last longer. I untied his wrists, flopping down on the mattress. He didn’t waste any time before he was lowering himself on my cock. “Oh fuck, babe.” I moaned, slapping his ass hard as he started riding me fast. “That’s right…ride on my cock like a good boy.” I spit on my hand, grabbing onto his cock and began to stroke it. “It feels so good Zayn, I’m going to cum soon.” He was a hot mess right now and I loved that I was doing this to him.

“Me too, babe. Let go.” I closed my eyes, letting out a long moan as I quickly came, continuing to pump him until I felt his cum spurting onto my chest. He collapsed on my chest and my arms immediately wrapped around him. I grabbed his hair, pulling his head back slightly so I could kiss him. Our lips connected in a very slow and passionate kiss. “God, I love you.” I whispered when they disconnected. I wasn’t planning on saying that, but I couldn’t help it. It was true. I always had loved him. “I love you too.” He smiled, pressing his lips to mine again. I closed my eyes as I thought back to the first time we told each other that.

_We were on stage in Dallas on our world tour, performing our set. The crowd was insane as they usually were. I moved over to the side of the stage while Liam sang one of his solos, needing a drink of water. Harry ran over with a water bottle, handing it to me with a big smile. “Thanks babe.” I mouthed, taking a sip of the clear liquid. He always did that for me. It was the sweetest thing._

_He came over to my side, making sure to keep his microphone down away from his mouth. If only people knew everything we were saying when we whispered to each other. The fans would go crazy, I imagined. His hand rested on my back as he leaned in so that I would hear over all the loud noise. “I love you.” He pulled back with a smile. I laughed and leaned into him. “I know you do.” I shook my head with a smile. He rolled his eyes playfully, leaning back in, his lips pressing to my ear. “No, I love you Zayn. I’m in love with you.” I bit down on my lip hearing those words. We hadn’t said that to each other yet. We always said we loved each other, but it was the same as telling the other boys that we loved them. My heart skipped a beat as I looked at him with adoration in my eyes. “I love you too.” I whispered back, placing a subtle kiss to his temple that was facing away from the crowd so they wouldn’t see._


	12. Chapter 12

**Harry**

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_ I groaned, moving my arm around trying to find my phone so I could shut the annoying alarm off. I looked at the time through my blurry eyes, sighing as I realized I needed to get my ass to the airport. Last night was incredible. And confusing. I didn’t know where Zayn and I stood now. Were we going to try our relationship again? Or was last night a onetime thing that was meant to be closure? I hated not knowing where I stood with people. It was something that bothered Zayn in the past. He thought I was too needy sometimes. I suppose I am. I overthink a lot, like I am right now.

I sat up in the big bed, pushing my hair out of my face. I was slightly hungover which didn’t help. I glanced over at Zayn, who was still fast asleep. I could have had my alarm go off for an hour straight and he still wouldn’t have woken up. I slowly climbed out of the bed, finding my clothes to slip on. I was going to do the walk of shame this morning. “Babe, Zayn.” I whispered, nudging his shoulder to try and wake him from his slumber. I tried for about ten minutes before I gave up. I was going to miss my flight if I didn’t get going. I grabbed a pen and notepad from his nightstand and scribbled a quick note. _Had to catch flight. It was great seeing you. All the love, Harry. xx_ I didn’t know what to write because I didn’t know where we stood. I leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead, before I slipped out the door.

**One Week Later**

It had been seven full days since I had seen Zayn. Or talked to him. I don’t know what I was expecting, really. I figured he would have at least sent me a text by now though. It was frustrating me that he had reached out, we met up, everything was fine, we had sex multiple times, and now nothing. “He’s so fucking irritating.” I mumbled to myself. I was sitting in my place in Los Angeles, flipping through the channels on the TV. I had a night to myself with no work priorities to have to do. It was nice, but now I was left alone with all of my thoughts. _I should call him. No, I shouldn’t._ I let out a loud groan, tossing the remote across the room. I decided that I would call him, I was tired of these games. Being with someone like Zayn was so difficult, I knew that. But how many times was he really going to do this to me?

I took a deep breath, as I hovered over his name, finally pressing the call button. I bit down on my lip as I brought the phone up to my ear, hearing it begin to ring. “Harry? What’s wrong?” I heard his voice pick up the call, soft and crackling. _Oh shit, he was sleeping!_ I forgot about the three-hour time difference. “What’s going on?” He repeated, seeming worried. “Shit, sorry I wasn’t thinking about the time when I decided to call you.” Now I felt like I couldn’t yell at him like I had planned on. “Everything’s fine though. I mean, I’m physically okay anyways.” I heard him let out a sigh of relief, a mix of annoyance as well from being woken up.

“What did you call me for?” He asked, a loud yawn escaping his lips. I couldn’t help but picture what he looked like right now. Hair all messy, eyes barely open, his lips soft and pink. He was probably naked, because that’s usually how he slept. _Stop distracting yourself!_ “Um… I don’t know.” I stumbled over what I wanted to say. “I guess I’m just really fucking confused.” I admitted. I heard another small sigh come from him. This one definitely from annoyance. “Do we really have to talk about this right now?” His voice was a little louder now that he was starting to wake up. “It’s two in the morning, Harry.”

“When else are we going to talk then, Zayn?” I was already irritated. “I don’t see you calling me anytime soon to talk about what’s going on between us. You’ve already ignored me for a whole fucking week.” I hated feeling as vulnerable as I did right now. “You haven’t reached out to me either. What was stopping you from sending me a text?” He snapped back. “You left my flat without saying goodbye. All you did was write a lousy note.” I rolled my eyes hearing him say this. “I had to get to the airport! I tried waking you up, but you’re literally impossible. I didn’t know what to write in the note, because we never said where we stood after that night.” I knew this conversation wasn’t going to go well.


	13. Chapter 13

**Zayn**

I was extremely annoyed that I had been woken up right now. When I saw Harry’s name on my screen, I immediately panicked thinking something had to be wrong for him to be calling me this late. I was relieved he was okay, but to find out that he called to talk about our relationship, I was irritated. I knew this was coming, Harry could never go very long without needing to know everything. “I don’t know where we stand either Harry.” I groaned, resting my head back down on my pillow. I knew that I should have called or texted him over this past week, but I didn’t know what I wanted right now. I didn’t expect us to have sex when we saw each other so it made everything a lot more complicated.

“Well it just seems like you invited me over to have sex and that was it.” I rubbed my forehead, hearing him say that. “You know that’s not why I invited you over. I already told you that I didn’t know that was even going to happen. I genuinely invited you over to see you and to break the tension between us.” I explained. “You can’t keep doing this to me though, Zayn. You can’t just keep cutting off contact with me.” I could hear his voice crack slightly, showing he was getting emotional. I felt a pang in my heart hearing his voice waver. “You have to tell me if you want me in your life or not.” That killed me. Just like that all my annoyance with him was gone. I never wanted to be the reason for his pain.

“Of course, I want you in my life, babe.” My voice softened. “I’m not trying to mess with you or play with your emotions. I just don’t know what I want right now. I mean, what do you want?” I asked, running my fingers through my hair. “I don’t know.” I heard him reply quietly. “I know I want you in my life too. I know I want to talk to you all the time. I know that I always want to be around you.” My heart started to beat a little quicker at his words. He could melt me like a puddle so easily. “Me too.” I whispered. “You know it’s not that easy though.” I cleared my throat. “We may be free from Modest, but we’re both still under PR contracts. You know both of our managers won’t want a risk of any pictures of us together getting out to the public.” That was the nice thing about being in the band. Even though we had to keep our relationship a secret, we were still able to spend almost every day together because we worked together.

“I don’t give a fuck.” He bluntly stated, making me laugh softly. “I’m serious Zayn. I’m tired of having to do everything that they want. I go out to all these public events with all these different women and I don’t complain ever. If I want to come see you, then I’m going to.” I smiled slightly. “You have turned in to quite the rebel, Haz.” I said, causing him to laugh a little. “I’m open to seeing where things can go again, but I can’t promise you anything right now.” I had to be honest with him and I needed him to be on the same page with me or it would never work. “Is that okay with you?” I questioned.

“Yeah of course. I get it. I don’t even know what I want right now.” He spoke quickly. “We’ll just take it day by day.” He reassured, causing me to nod my head. I hoped he really meant what he was saying. “Okay, good. I have to come out to LA next week so if you have a night free I can come over.” I knew that would make him happy. Honestly, I had missed him so much already in this last week. I couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. I knew us exploring our relationship again could be dangerous, but we had to try. Nobody else was like Harry. “That sounds great.” I could hear the smile on his face as he spoke.

There was a moment of silence where we simply listened to each other’s breathing. I chewed on my bottom lip before I broke the silence. “I wish you were here right now. I’m so horny.” I admitted, my hand going down to my cock. I had woken up hard and hearing Harry’s voice didn’t help me either. “Me too. I can’t stop thinking about last week.” I could hear him rustling around a little. He must have been getting into his bed. “I think that was some of the hottest sex we’ve ever had.” I began to lightly stroke myself, my eyes falling shut. “It definitely was.” He agreed with me. “The way you rode my cock was so fucking sexy.” I let out a small groan thinking back to it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Harry**

It was such a rollercoaster of a relationship we had. It had always been this way though. One minute we were arguing about something because our personalities were so different. The next minute we were fine and full on in love. If we hadn’t been put in the band together, I don’t think we would have ever crossed paths. We certainly wouldn’t have fallen in love like we did. Him and I were so different. Yet, we had a lot more in common than we ever would have thought. That’s one of the biggest things I treasure about being in the band. It brought us together. Even if he drives me crazy most of the time.

I had laid down in my bed, stripping down naked to get comfortable. It was now almost midnight here. I smirked softly to myself hearing his words. We had never done anything like this before. We never had to. Being in the band together, we were with each other basically 24/7. Even when we got breaks after a tour, it was only for a couple weeks. But now I didn’t know how often we were going to be able to see each other. Both of us were always going to be busy working on our solo music, tours, and going to events. It was going to be hard. Especially for me. Speaking of hard, I felt my cock start to stiffen at the sound of his groan. I could tell he was already touching himself.

“I knew you would like that.” My own hand traveled down to my length, grabbing onto it lightly. I was a little nervous for some reason. “I really did. I would do anything to have you here right now, riding me again until you were a screaming mess.” His breathing was getting faster as I imagined he was stroking himself at a quicker pace now. A very subtle moan slipped past my lips at his words as I began to move my hand up and down myself. “Shit…” I whispered. “Are you touching yourself, babe?” He asked me in a low sexy voice. I could feel my cheeks turning red. Zayn was the only person who could make me blush.

“Mhm.” My eyes fell shut, images of Zayn popping up in my mind. I could picture all his tattoos perfectly on his body. “What are you thinking about?” He questioned. I cleared my throat quietly. Why was this so hard to do over the phone? “I’m thinking about how badly I want to be sucking your cock right now.” I heard him moan softly, his breathing getting even heavier. I’ll take that as a sign I’m not totally horrible at this. “Jesus, I love how dirty you are.” I began to move my hand quicker as the sexual tension grew.

“As soon as I see you next week, I’m going to bend you over your kitchen counter and fuck your ass so hard from behind.” His voice was rough now. I clutched onto the sheets with my other hand, moaning louder this time. _This is pretty hot._ “You like when I’m rough with you, don’t you babe?” I nodded to myself, small grunts leaving my mouth as I was starting to get close. “Fuck, yeah.” My back started to arch off the mattress slightly. “I can’t wait until your cock is filling me up completely, so deep in my ass.” I was starting to get more confident the closer I got to orgasming. “I can’t wait to taste your cum again.” I added, hearing him start to become undone, his own moans getting louder.

“Fuck, you are such a slut for me.” I heard him groan loudly before there was a second of silence, panting following right after that. Hearing that he had came, made me fall off the edge as well. “I’m cumming, Zayn.” I bit down on hard on my lip to quite my moan as I came all over my stomach. _Holy shit._ “That…was…hot.” I panted, kicking the blankets off of me. I was way too hot for those. Zayn laughed quietly on the other end. “Very. That will have to do until I see you next week.” I felt myself blush again at his words. “I’m really beat now babe and I have to be up early for a meeting. I’ll text you tomorrow, I promise.” He said with a yawn. I glanced at the time, realizing it would be almost four in the morning for him. “Alright. Goodnight.” We ended the call and I fell asleep right away dreaming about the things he was going to do to me next week.


End file.
